You Get What You Pay For

           “I’ve ridden many miles and lost many men to attain from you this magic article wizard.”

            Dark Francis and Hump stood with two travel weary knights in the great room of Francis’s tower keep. The one who spoke wore dull green armor from chest to toe. Silver streaks crisscrossed the thick steel, battle scars from past battles.

            “I’m confident that this is what you have traveled so long and far to receive sir,” Dark Francis spoke handing the knight a wide ornately gilded green sword belt. “Sir I can tell you with confidence that I have never been commissioned to fashion a magical item as fine or as powerful as this one before you.”

            “It better be,” said the green knight, strapping the superb piece of clothing around his midsection.

            “It is guaranteed to make the wearer impervious to any attack. If you were to get your head cut off all you need do is pick it up and place it back on your shoulders.”

            “Truly amazing wizard, but I will require a demonstration.”

            “Certainly, sir. I can arrange someone to wear it for the trial.”

            “Nonsense, I’d never allow another man to don this belt. What would stop the man from butchering all of us and claiming it for himself? No, I will keep the belt on. Sir Donnis.”

            The accompanying knight stepped forward at the utterance of his name.

            “Yes sir.”

            “If I am struck dead, kill the wizard.”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “As you wish sir, but I can assure you the belt will work. I have spent many days imbedding this belt with the strongest magical enchantments contained in my extensive library,” Dark Francis assured the green knight.

            “Wizard you will provide the axe man. I feel that Sir Donnis is too loyal a knight to be trusted in not holding back when delivering the blow.”

            “My pleasure Sir. Hump step forward.”

            “Sir,” Hump said as he stepped forward giving Dark Francis a little salute.

            “Behead this man Hump,” ordered Dark Francis without hesitation.

            Hump stepped forward and without pause slid his massive axe head through the knight’s thick neck, so skillfully and fast that the head didn’t even jump.

            There was a sudden surprised look on the green knight’s face before he collapsed to the stone floor in a heap sending his head rolling across the floor to Dark Francis’s feet.

            “Rise Sir Knight and reclaim your head!” Dark Francis boomed his arms outstretched as if casting a strong spell.

            The body remained motionless and for a moment, they all stood silently dumbfounded.

            “It just takes a few moments for the magic to do its work,” Dark Francis said confidently.

            They waited a few moments more and the body remained stationary besides a few twitches of the beheaded knight’s feet.

            Sir Donnis drew his sword and took a step forward.

            “Wait Sir, I forgot that in the case of a beheading someone else has to reunite the head with the body.”

            Dark Francis scooped up the head and tried to stick it on the bloody stump of a neck without success.

            “Wait there are a few magic words that need to be spoken,” Dark Francis said trying to stall the imposing Sir Donnis.

            Dark Francis knelt over the body to block it from Sir Donnis’s view and began to mumble a long rambling speech in the tongue of the ancients loosely translated meant, “Get up you piece of crap. Get up already. I said get up.”

             “Oh yes, I believe it worked. Yes, he’s trying to tell us something.”

            Dark Francis lowered his voice to try to mimic the green knight’s voice, but it came out strained and high. “I’m okay good Sir Donnis. I just need a little wine. Could you go fetch me a skin?”

            “Sir?” Sir Donnis leaned forward to inspect the headless corpse.

            “Wine he said!” Dark Francis snapped. “Do you always disobey orders from your lord?”

            “Yes sir. Sorry Sir.”

            Sir Donnis hopped to attention before running out the door to fetch a skin of wine from one of the horses stabled outside.

            “Quick Hump we need to get rid of this body before he comes back.”

            Dark Francis grabbed the head, and Hump tossed the decapitated body over his shoulder. They tossed both out one of the open windows down into the yard just a moment before Sir Donnis burst into the room with a skin of wine.

            “Where did the Lord go?” asked Sir Donnis.

            “Uh, he left of course,” Dark Francis snapped. “Are you always in the habit of losing track of your liege lord?”

            “Left? Why didn’t I pass him on the stair?” Sir Donnis inquired.

            “He left by the window of course,” Dark Francis said.

            “The window?” Sir Donnis repeated obviously confused.

            “He’s impervious to any injury you fool. Why would he bother with the stairs when he can more quickly jump down from the window? Now after him quickly before he leaves you behind. He won’t wait forever.”

            Sir Donnis did a sharp about-face, and he took off through the door and down the stairs yelling, “Wait for me Sir! Don’t leave without me!”

            “Hump! Quickly! Go lock the gate behind him. I doubt he’ll be very happy once he gets outside.”

            “Yes sir.”

            Dark Francis retired to his great stone chair slumping down into it and let out a loud exasperated sigh. “I need to stop letting these fools test my magic talismans themselves.”